Wednesday, April 1, 2015


He is my refuge, my ever constant help, my anchor in the storm. He keeps my feet from slipping, He sets me in the high places. He saves me.

And I stand in awe of what He is doing in my heart. 

Two months ago I would have said I wasn't prepared for today, had I known what today would bring to me. I would have turned and run the other way. And I would have missed it.

I would have missed the shouts of Hallelujah, the giggles in the middle of the night. I would have missed learning how to feel the wind in my fingers, and how the sun draws me into its warmth. I would have missed snipping bottle tops, rocking for hours, singing songs to silly tunes. 

Had you told me what I would have missed I still would have wanted to run away if I had known what I know today. 

But God is greater then my weakness.

He set a love in my heart for these girls that is fierce and lovely, and cannot be explained. 

I know what is before me and I know that the road is crazy, ridiculously difficult and with each turn I won't know what is coming. 

But I love them.
I love them.

I don't like to even say the words "regardless of." 
No, I just love them. 

To me they are not:

  • Dandy Walker
  • Small pituitary
  • Growth hormone deficiency
  • Globally delayed
  • Cognitively impaired
  • Malnourished
  • Non verbal
  • Blind
They are just my daughters. 

And it reminded me of how God has loved me, just me, not who I am becoming or what I have done, just me. 

He is teaching me every single day just what I am to Him. 
I am his daughter, His orphaned daughter. 

And He is my Father, my Abba. His love for me is not conditioned on my daily devotions, my worship of Him, my sacrifices to Him. 

It exists because He has chosen to love me, unconditionally, to remove my sins and place them so far away I could never find them again if I spend every waking moment looking.

He really does love me.

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